53 Ways to Make Money Online

53 Ways to Make Money Online

Ways to make money online, search for it and you’ll find hundreds of them. That is because these days everybody wants to learn how to make money on the Internet without a job. Some of these work at home jobs are legitimate and real methods of making money on the web and others are pure scams and get rich quick schemes. In this post, you will find 53 legitimate ways to earn money online working from home, from making money with affiliate programs, blogging and freelancing to making money on eBay, online surveys, GPT programs and many other easy ways to make money fast.

Although there are so many different ways to make money on the Internet, making money on the web from home isn’t always easy or quick. It takes hard work and dedication. Yes, there are some online jobs that are easier than others and there are some online money making ideas that produce results quicker. But if you want to make real good money online, you have to work for it.

Earning money online is no different than making money offline. If you want to work at home, you need to have the right mind set. Forget about making money with a push of a button, free money or the magic money making method that is going to get you rich over night. Though, Internet itself is a virtual world, there is nothing virtual about the need to work to make money online!

Making a living on the net takes hard work and consistency. And if you are willing to put enough time and effort into it, there are number of ways to make extra money on the Internet. Here are 53 ways to make money online:

Note:
Wherever possible, I tried to provide other resources and information about some of these methods by linking to other more in dept and detailed articles, which will give you more information on how to make money online with that specific method. I hope it will be helpful. 

---

Make Money Freelance Writing Online
One of the most popular ways to make money online is freelance writing. You don’t need any money to invest, there is no need to own a website, (although having one helps) and best of all, you can make quick money. In most cases you get paid the same day you finish working on the project. There are tons of places online you can offer your writings. There are even some websites that pay you for writing exclusive content for them. Get paid to write 

"Be Your Own Boss"
100% Complete Access

Order Now: $0.99

Get Paid to Take Online Surveys
One of the best ways to make money online is doing online surveys. Market research companies get paid from manufacturers and companies to gather feedback from their consumers, which they do by conducting online surveys. They then share some of that money with their members who participate in online surveys they conduct. Although, paid survey scams have mad it harder for people to find legitimate paid surveys sites, there are still hundreds of legitimate paid survey companies out there, willing to pay you for your opinion. 40+ Legitimate Free Paid Surveys

Get Paid To Read Emails
As the title suggest, you get paid for reading emails. Everyday you receive paid emails in your inbox with links to different websites, whcih you have to click and view for a few seconds. Not a lot of money, but its something extra. Get paid to read emails

Make Money with Reward Programs
Another one of those “quick” ways to make money online is getting paid to do free offers. Reward programs or GPT (stands for Get Paid To) as they are known online are sites that pay their members for doing variety of things. Basically, you earn money for doing things that you already do online in some way or another, such as signing up for freebies, registering with interesting sites, shopping, visiting different websites, etc. GPT site are like the middle man, they get paid from advertisers to drive leads (you) to their site. They then give a percentage of what they earn from their advertisers to their members. GPT Sites

Earn Money as a Mystery Shopper
Mystery shopping is becoming a popular method for companies to evaluate there employees and their customer services skills. Although there are a lot of different opinions about this, mystery shopping is actually growing as an industry. You will be assigned to shop and dine in different places and report your experience back. Depending on specific assignments, you can expect to get paid anywhere from $40 to $300 or more per assignment. Of course, the amount that you spend buying goods and services will be reimbursed. Sometimes you get to keep the item you bought at no charge to you. Get Paid to Shop

Get Paid to Play Games (game money)
On game sites like Farm Gold and Second Life, you can make virtual money, which can be exchanged for real money. I am sure you have heard of like Ansche Chung, which is the first person who become a millionaire, exchanging her virtual money earned from Second Life for real money, worth over a million dollar. Get paid to play games

Making Money with Affiliate Programs
This is by far one of the top ways to make money online. You are basically selling other people’s stuff for a commission. You can find digital products like e-books and short reports to promote on sites like ClickBank and PayDotcom.  Affiliate Marketing for beginners

Get Paid to Surf
Get paid to surf is kind of big on the internet. And of course, scammers are all over it as well. So, be careful and make sure you register with known and trusted sites. You won’t make much money, but not much work is required either. Get paid to surf

Make Money Selling Photos Online
If you like photography and can take interesting pictures, there are many sites you can upload your images too and get paid every time someone downloads an image of yours. The good thing is that one photo can sell over and over again. Imagine the potential of having 100s of images on few sites. Get Paid for Photos

Get Paid Sharing Files Online
There are a couple of document sharing sites that you can upload any kind of file you own to, and every time someone downloads it, you get paid for it. Files can be in almost any format, from TXT to PDF and everything in between. Get Paid to Upload

Get Paid To Review
Set up a website or a blog and start a review site. Website owners and bloggers will pay you to post a review of their site on your site. It helps them get the word out and helps you make money. You can also pick affiliate products and review them on your site and place your affiliate link for that product in the article. Every time someone buys that product using your link, you get a commission. Get Paid to Review

Get Paid to Search
Search engines are big money makers. No wonder every day new search engines pup up everywhere. But since they are not as big as Google and yahoo and some other engines, they pay you to use their site to search. Basically their sharing their earnings from their advertisers with you.  Get Paid to Search

Sell Unused Items on eBay and CraigsList
Almost everyone knows how to make money on eBay these days and you are probably tired of hearing about it. But the truth of the matter is that eBay is a really good way to make money. Another great place to sell unused stuff is CraigsList. CL is one of the most visited sites in the world, so your ad will get viewed by many potential buyers and its free to place an ad on CL. Look around your house and find things you don’t need and use any more. List them on eBay for a fair price. No mater how much money you end up making selling your unwanted stuff on eBay, its still better than letting them dust in your garage! How to Make Money on CraigsList

Make Money Designing Logos
Hundreds of new websites and blogs are born everyday. Most of them will need a logo, but not every site owner knows how to make a logo. If you have some design talent, you can make good money offering custom logo creations on webmaster related forums and classified ads sites. Don’t have a professional software? Use free imaging tools such as PhotoFilter to make stunning logos.

Make Money Flipping Website and Domain
Buy good domains and resell for a profit. Build a website or a blog, work on it for a while and get it going. It’s Just like flipping houses, when you get the site to a good point, put it up for sale. People like websites that are ready to go, and they do pay good money for it. Hundreds of website are bought and sold every day on sites like Flippa.com. Make Money Selling Domains

Earn Money Designing Websites
If you are good at designing sites, why not make money doing so? There are even free softwares such as Kompozer that you can use to design and build nice looking websites without any knowledge of HTML. Use webmaster related forums like WarriorForum and DigitalPoints to find buyers.

Make Money Designing T-Shirts and Other Customizable Items
If you are good at making up catchy phrases and cool designs, you can make a decent amount of money designing and selling T-shirts on sites like CaféPress. Get paid to design t shirts

Make Money with Digital Scrap Booking Templates
I personally don’t get this, but many people love to scrapbook, and they do pay good money for templates. Make different kinds of templates and make it easy for people to use them.

Make Money on Youtube
One way to use YouTube is to use it as a tool to get yourself known. In this age of YouTube and instant super stardom, it’s not very far fetched to think you can become a star if you can sing. YouTube and other video sharing sites make it possible for anyone to have a chance to be discovered by record label companies.How to Make Money on You Tube

Make Money Making MySpace Backgrounds
They are all over the internet, those ad for MySpace background! And that means only one thing, there is a market for MySpace backgrounds! Creating MySpace backgrounds isn’t that hard. But, most users don’t have the time to do it or are simply lazy. You can provide them with this service and customize their MySpace pages and charge a fee for doing so. What better place to advertise your service than MySpace itself?…

Get Paid For Your videos
With the huge interest in videos online, there is always room for more. Create interesting videos of yourself or whatever and upload them to Web Sites like Revver and Break. They will share a percentage of their ad revenue with you. Plus, you get something for each download as well.

Earn Money Doing Directory Submission
In order for a website or blog to be successful and make money, it needs traffic. There are many ways to work on traffic. One way is to submit your site to website directories. But, many webmaster and blogger are busy with other aspects of running a site, so they don’t have time to do this. That’s where you can come in and offer to submit their site to directories for a fee. Use forums like SitePoints and DigitalPoint to offer your service to webmasters.

Make Money with a Niche Directory
You have seen those directory sites that have a list of specific sites in different categories. Set up one for yourself. Gather a list of site and sources related to a specific niche and list them on your site. Sell ad space to other webmasters. You can charge a monthly fee to have their ads shown on your site. BuySellAds.com is a good place to look for potential customers.

Make Extra Money Making Photo Mosaics
If you can make photo mosaics, set up a website and offer your Photo Mosaics service. You will be surprised how many people pay for these things.

Work as a Virtual Assistant
As more online based businesses are born every day, virtual assistant services are on high demand. People use virtual assistant for research, finding things, doing time consuming tasks, making phone calls and etc. Setup a free blog or site to offer your service. Make Money as a Virtual Assistant

Make Money Hosting Online Forums
Use softwares like SebFlipper to host hundreds of separate forums from a single web server. Make money by charging people to host a forum with you, or offer it for free, but show your ads on their forums and make money that way.

Get Paid To Install Applications
Most People have problem with installing different kinds of applications. If you are good at installing a particular app or a software, why not make some money while helping others?

Get Paid To Answer Questions
If you have knowledge about something (which you do, everybody knows about something that others may not know), put it to work for you. There are many websites that you can offer your expertise and knowledge in exchange for money.  Get paid to answer questions

Pod Casting
Think of it as a voice or video blogging. Talk about interesting topics and make money from ads shown. If you are a good speaker, can provide useful information and have a nice voice, it’s not that hard to get hundreds of subscribers. You can use free sites like Odiogo.com to turn your blog into a podcast!

Make Money with Focus Groups
Focus group are basically the same as paid surveys, but unlike paid surveys, most focus groups are conducted in a physical location. Focus group studies are held in most major cities. You will be in with a group of other selected people, talking and answering question about whatever product or service the study is about. You can expect to get paid from $60 to $250 for an hour to a full day of study. Paid Focus Groups

Domain Drop Shipping
It’s basically selling domain registration for big domain registration sites likeTuCows, which makes it easy for you to start your own private label domain registration. You can make money not only from the initial sale, but from renewals as well.

Create and Sell E-Books
You can make e-books about anything. If you have some knowledge about anything, whether its a recipe or a how to do this and that. Its not as hard as you think. Look at some e-books that are selling for $50-$100 or whatever, and you see what i mean (most of them are crap, but people do pay for them!). How to make an ebook for free

Make Money with Amazon Mechanical Turk
Its one of the biggest unknown ways of making money online, yet its so easy to do. You do simple tasks like differentiating pictures from text, and get paid for it. If you have enough time to invest in it, you can make good money with amazon turk. Make money with amazon mechanical turk

Get Paid to Review Softwares
Websites like SoftwareJudge will pay you for using and reviewing any of the software available in their collection.

Make Money Blogging
Blogging is becoming increasingly popular. You can set up a blog in less than an hour. There are many free blogging platforms you can use at first. When you get comfortable, then pay for your own hosting and domain name. You can blog about anything you like, no matter how bizarre and unusual you may think it is. There is always an audience out ether. You can make money with your blog, showing ads on your blog using advertising programs like Google ad sense or selling affiliate products or even your own short reports and e-books. However, making money with blogs takes lots of work and time. You have to be patient and willing to put a lot of time and effort into it.

Earn Money Moderating a Forum
Forums are another great way to make some extra money. You probably already participate in a forum or two. Why not start a forum of your own? Pick a topic you like and build a forum based on it where people can talk about it and share their ideas and experiences about he subject with each other. You can make money showing ads. And if the forum becomes popular, you can charge people to join, or have a special room in the forum where one has to subscribe in order to participate. An example of that would be the WarRoom which only paid users of worrier forum have access to.

Get Paid For Data Entry
Not the scam one, we are talking about data entry for Google. Google pays people to take photos of businesses, and enter basic data such as hours of operation. You know how many business are located just next to your favorite grocery store? MyDataTeam

Make Money Creating Softwares
Know how to make a software? Then start writing software and plug-ins. One of the hottest plug-in markets is the blogging platforms like word press and blogger. Use forums to find out what bloggers need that you can make a plug-in for. Create your plug-in or software, and set up a free blog to advertise it.

Make Money Posting On Forums
People who start a new forums often pay people to post on their forums, so it will look active, therefore attracts more people to join the discussion. Many forums will pay up to $0.25 per post, which can be just a sentence or two. Again you can use established forums to find people who are looking for forum posters.

Ads On Forums
If you like participating in forums or are already a member of any forum, look for “ad share” sign in your user CP. Some forums offer a percentage of their earnings from ads, with their members.

Earn Money Online Translating Document
If you speak a second language, why not translate document online and offline, and get paid for it? Free classified sites are the best way to advertiser your service.

Make Money on Fiverr
Fiverr.com is a site where you can make money doing almost anything you can imagine for $5. Simply register for free and create gigs, offering people your services. Whether its singing a song for them, calling their kid and pretending to be Santa or teaching them a Spanish phrase or showing them how to make a Facebook fan page, people are willing to pay you doing these things on Fiverr. You will be amazed at how easy it is to make money on Fiverr with things that you could never imagine someone paying you for it.

Get Paid as a Game Tester
Very easy way to make money by doing something enjoyable. But, its hard to find legit sites that pay you to test games. If you look around hard enough, you may find a company or two. If I do find one, I will update this page and post it here. So be sure to bookmark this page and check back.

Make Money with Your Own Search Engine
Use Google to build your own custom search engine. Build a search engine for a specific topic like a search engine just for finding information related to music or what have you. To get it going, set up contests for searchers, and give a prize to the biggest searcher. You make your money when people search from your search engine and click on ads.

Get Paid to Comment on Blogs
In order to rank higher and attract more traffic to make money, bloggers need quality links pointing back to their blog from other blogs, more than anything else. You can do that for them by commenting on other peoples blog and charging $0.50 or so for each link back.

Become a Job Referrer
Some firms pay referral bonuses of up to $1,000 for referring the right person for a job. Develop relationships with recruiters, like temporary job finding services and refer people who you know are fit for the specific job. You can do this both online and offline.

Software Plus
Work on already developed softwares and make them better and easier to work with.

Convert Online Money
You can make money by converting, EGold money into PayPal money, etc. People charge up to 5%-10% to do the same thing.

Drop Shipping
Use sites like CaféPress to create a free storefront online and be a drop shipper. You don’t have to deal with anything but getting customer to visit your online store front.

Sell Craft and Art Work Online
Have free time on your hand and are good at making things? Well, use your skills to create art work and crafts to sell online. You can sell your art work and crafts either on eBay or classified sites, especially Craigslist.

Make Money with CPA
CPA is a much easier version of affiliate marketing, which most of the time you don’t have to sell anything. You just have to send leads to advertisers site. For example, some Advertiser will pay you up to $5, each time you send a lead to there page where the person enters an email address or a zip code in order to participate in a survey to win something. Although to get accepted by CPA networks you have to have a website or a blog, you don’t need a website or blog to make money as a CPA affiliate. CPA for beginners

Get paid to Socialize
Now that Social networking sites are becoming more popular, a lot of people want to get in the game and make money running their own social networking site. But, since they need some members to get the word out and make the site look active, they are willing to pay people to become members and post messages. Here are some social networking site you can get paid . Get paid for social networking 5 Social Networking Sites that pay you
There you have it, 53 online jobs you can use to earn money working from home. I hope this list can give you some ideas and inspirations for making money online. Please keep in mind that most of the above online money making ideas, are simply ways to make extra cash. They are not to be looked at as long term work at home business plans. Although, a few of them, like making money on eBay and making money with affiliate programs do provide fantastic work at home opportunities and are revered by many internet marketers as some of the best ways to make money online.

Make Money on eBay
Believe it or not, there are lots of people who don’t know how to sell on eBay. You can sell their stuff on eBay in exchange for a commission. You can take this one step farther and turn it into a bigger business by buying wholesale items and selling them individually on eBay. Don’t forget that garage sales are often good places to find worthy items for a fraction of the cost. How to Make Money on eBay 

You May Also Like:

There Are Only 2 Ways to Make Money Online!
Best Ways To Make Money Online
8 Easy Ways to Make Money Online Without A Website
10 Fun Ways to Make Money Online
3 Most Popular And Easy Ways To Make Money Online

ORDER NOW: $0.99

Click Here

Top Ten SignsThat Woman Is Attracted to You

Flirting is an art form. You need to practice it to attain mastery over it. It consists of giving out not so evident signals at the correct time. But there are lot of resources for guidance on the topic of flirting available these days. But flirting is only a part of the ordeal. You should also have an understanding of the flirting gestures that a woman also drops subtly to know if you are successful with her.

Women naturally are experts at giving subtle indications. So it is upto the man to decipher these indications which could be a word, eye movement, body language etc. Be alert always when in the company of your woman.

Caution:

Below are 10 points which will help you know that a woman is flirting with you. But any of them need not be so always. It could be that the woman you are with has this tendency to be the centre of attraction and hence seeks help from such flirting actions.

Or her nature might be to be friendly with everyone. One way to know about her behavior is to notice her, but this is only possible if you are in a position to observe her constantly. If her nature is to be friendly then don’t interpret these as flirting.

The below mentioned indications are true irrespective of the situation they are displayed - be it a coffee café, club or restaurant. Be vigilant to spot these.

Her gaze is always on you

Observer her gaze. Does she always look at you when you are looking at her? Does she turn her gaze away when you look at her? These are sure indications that she is entertaining you. If she doesn’t match your eye contact then she is shy and you need to make her a little more comfortable. Just walk to her and introduce yourself.

She passes you a smile 

Smile is undoubtedly an open invitation and an inidication that she is open to friendship with you. Many people smile while in the company of those  they enjoy being with. Spot the sparkle in her eye? Well then she surely is cherishing your company and all you have to do is to make her enjoy all the more.

She puts in a lot of effort so that you notice her

If she takes an unnecessarily long route while going to some place, this indicated that she want you to notice her. For example, on her way to restrooms she deliberately passes through where you are seated eventhough the restrooms are nowhere near you. This is a very clear open invite. If she passes on a smile you are totally into her already.

She fondles her locks

For a woman her hair is a very important part to show off her beauty. That is why women are very particular about their hair cut. Hair has an amazing power of seducing you. If you see her throwing her hair seductively or twirling and fondling with her hair, she is deep into you and is flirting with you for sure. So make the dash for her!

But do notice other subtle body language which she displays. Some women are comfortable showing their neck, some cross their hands so as to show that they are well endowed. Many women just dangle their shoes off the curvature of feet, since many men link that curvature to their body. But if she is locked in her arms, she is happy maintaining a distance from you rather than being close to you. So be alert to pick up such indications.

 

She starts conversation

Nothing could be as evident about her interest in you if she starts the talking with you. If she opens up with a line like, “I think I have seen you somewhere”, this is a clear indication that she wants to have a conversation with you.

If she asks you open ended questions I am sure you will definitely know her intentions since this is a weapon men use very often. She might go a step further, whispering and disclosing secrets by bringing her face closer to you. The underlying motive may be to give you a taste of the perfume she has put on.

Is she playing all the tactics you were supposed to use?

She likes your jokes

 

If you tell her a funny story, look out for the way she reacts. If she puts her head back and openly laughs or simply says “Is that really funny?” then she is open for you. If she is interested in you, she will intently listen to you which you definitely know through her body language (open mouth, eyes focused on you etc)

Inquires about your hobbies

Does she ask you about hobbies? She may even ask about specific activities. This are subtle indications to meet up on another occasion. Or it could be just to drop you a hint that she too is interested in some activities and wants you to ask them. But one big green signal is if she asks is you like dancing, movies or dinner.

She praises you

Woman are not very liberal when it comes to appreciate anyone. But if she happens to do just that, then you should be proud of yourself. If the compliment is about your body then it clearly shows her interest in you. another way to show her interest is when she repeats your name, showing that you have embedded yourself deep into her mind and she is ready to get more intimate with you.

Start Flirting

But be cautious, since these indications could be just keeping you as a friend. So be alert for about 4 such indications. If she displays any 5 or more of such signs you have definitely captured her imagination and have a free way into her mind.

Now that you have known the theory about how to recognize flirtations of a woman, time is to practice them. But as everything, practice is needed for mastery over it. Be alert but don’t overdo it. Don’t be too focused on spotting these signs. Remember to enjoy the company with her and relax. If you are not able to decipher, she will make her signs stronger for you to understand her true intentions

11 Ways To Become The Worst Facebook Friend Ever

Jilted by a lover?  Hate someone’s ugly face?

Here are eleven ways you can become their worst Facebook nightmare.

1. Add All Of Their Asian Friends.

Everyone hates the guy who adds everyone else’s friends.  But don’t be conventional.

Profile.

When they see that all of your mutual friends are from one ethnicity, they’ll wonder.

Dude, how are you friends with all of my Asian friends?

I don’t see race.  I see harmony.

You'll do.

2. ‘Like’ Any Horrible Status.

Justine: just broke my leg skiing   FML.

You: Like!

Walter: My Golden Retriever is on fire.

You: Like!

Peter: oh noes!  i have herpes.

You: Like!

3. Comment On Every Picture, Telling Her You Can See Her Nips.

Especially wedding ones.

4. Comment On Every Picture, Telling Him You Can See His Nips.

It works too!

Who turned the AC on in the tranquil garden?

5. Petition Them Every Time Facebook Changes Something.

If Facebook changes their layout, get mental.

Ask your friend how he plans on dealing with the issue.

Dude, they changed the top toolbar.

So?

Do you know what this means?

No.

It means we have to blow shit up.

6. Comment That Their Baby Pictures Look Sexy As Hell.

It’s wrong.

Hilariously wrong.

7. Thank Them For Getting You Into The Teachings Of Al Qaeda.

Leave a wall post thanking them for broadening your horizons.

Hey Tom, just wanted to say thank you for the material you sent me.  I was thinking of taking my girlfriend to Florida for vacation but now we’re going to Kandahar to you know.  Carry out your will.  Toodles!

8. Send Them Invitations To Events In Locations Unreachable By Conventional Travel.

Dude, did you RSVP to the party on the Gulfaks C Platform?

That sounds like an offshore oil rig.

Exactly where the craziest parties are, bitch!

This is where the craziest parties are.

9. Tag Them In Videos Of Your Ass.

No, that’s it.

That’s really just it.

10. Like And Unlike One Of Their Statuses For 17 Days Straight.

Rack up thousands of notifications.  When they message you to inquire, play dumb.

11.  Poke Them And Then Message Every 38 Seconds Asking If They Got Your Poke.

Did you get my poke?  I poked you.  Did you see I poked you?

I’m naked right now.

–

There you have it.  Use these tips to annoy the hell out of everyone.

Just not me.

Mind-Blowing Story - Talking to God

I met god the other day.

I know what you’re thinking. How the hell did you know it was god?

Well, I’ll explain as we go along, but basically he convinced me by having all, and I do mean ALL, the answers. Every question I flung at him he batted back with a plausible and satisfactory answer. In the end, it was easier to accept that he was god than otherwise.

Which is odd, because I’m still an atheist and we even agree on that!

It all started on the 8.20 back from Paddington. Got myself a nice window seat, no screaming brats or drunken hooligans within earshot. Not even a mobile phone in sight. Sat down, reading the paper and in he walks.

What did he look like?

Well not what you might have expected that’s for sure. He was about 30, wearing a pair of jeans and a “hobgoblin” tee shirt. Definitely casual. Looked like he could have been a social worker or perhaps a programmer like myself.

‘Anyone sitting here?’ he said.

‘Help yourself’ I replied.

Sits down, relaxes, I ignore and back to the correspondence on genetic foods entering the food chain…

Train pulls out and a few minutes later he speaks.

‘Can I ask you a question?’

Fighting to restrain my left eyebrow I replied ‘Yes’ in a tone which was intended to convey that I might not mind one question, and possibly a supplementary, but I really wasn’t in the mood for a conversation. ..

‘Why don’t you believe in god?’

The Bastard!

I love this kind of conversation and can rabbit on for hours about the nonsense of theist beliefs. But I have to be in the mood! It’s like when a Jehova’s witness knocks on your door 20 minutes before you’re due to have a wisdom tooth pulled. Much as you’d really love to stay… You can’t even begin the fun. And I knew, if I gave my standard reply we’d still be arguing when we got to Cardiff. I just wasn’t in the mood. I needed to fend him off.

But then I thought ‘Odd! How is this perfect stranger so obviously confident – and correct – about my atheism?’ If I’d been driving my car, it wouldn’t have been such a mystery. I’ve got the Darwin fish on the back of mine – the antidote to that twee christian fish you see all over. So anyone spotting that and understanding it would have been in a position to guess my beliefs. But I was on a train and not even wearing my Darwin “Evolve” tshirt that day. And ‘The Independent’ isn’t a registered flag for card carrying atheists, so what, I wondered, had given the game away.

‘What makes you so certain that I don’t?’

‘Because’, he said, ‘ I am god – and you are not afraid of me’

You’ll have to take my word for it of course, but there are ways you can deliver a line like that – most of which would render the speaker a candidate for an institution, or at least prozac. Some of which could be construed as mildly entertaining.

Conveying it as “indifferent fact” is a difficult task but that’s exactly how it came across. Nothing in his tone or attitude struck me as even mildly out of place with that statement. He said it because he believed it and his rationality did not appear to be drug induced or the result of a mental breakdown.

‘And why should I believe that?’

‘Well’ he said, ‘why don’t you ask me a few questions. Anything you like, and see if the answers satisfy your sceptical mind?’

This is going to be a short conversation after all, I thought.

‘Who am I?’

‘Stottle. Harry Stottle, born August 10 1947, Bristol, England. Father Paul, Mother Mary. Educated Duke of Yorks Royal Military School 1960 67, Sandhurst and Oxford, PhD in Exobiology, failed rock singer, full time trade union activist for 10 years, latterly self employed computer programmer, web author and aspiring philosopher. Married to Michelle, American citizen, two children by a previous marriage. You’re returning home after what seems to have been a successful meeting with an investor interested in your proposed product tracking anti-forgery software and protocol and you ate a full english breakfast at the hotel this morning except that, as usual, you asked them to hold the revolting english sausages and give you some extra bacon. ‘

He paused

‘You’re not convinced. Hmmm… what would it take to convince you? May I have your permission for a telepathic link?’

‘Do you need my permission?’

‘Technically, no. Ethically, yes’

Might as well play along I thought. ‘OK – you have my permission. So convince me’

‘oh right! Your most secret password and its association’

A serious hacker might be able to obtain the password, but no one else and I mean

NO ONE

knows its association.

He did.

So how would you have played it?

I threw a few more questions about relatively insignificant but unpublicised details of my life (like what my mother claims was the first word I ever spoke – apparently “armadillo”! (Don’t ask…)) but I was already pretty convinced. I knew there were only three possible explanations at this point.

Possibility One was that I was dreaming, hallucinating or hypnotised. Nobody’s figured out a test for that so, at the time I think that was my dominant feeling. It did not feel real at the time. More like I was in a play. Acting my lines. Since the event, however, continuing detailed memories of it, together with my contemporaneous notes, remain available, so unless the hallucination has continued to this day, I am now inclined to reject the hallucination hypothesis. Which leaves two others.

He could have been a true telepath. No documented evidence exists of anyone ever having such profound abilities to date but it was a possibility. It would have explained how he could know my best-kept secrets. The problem with that is that it doesn’t explain anything else! In particular it doesn’t account for the answers he proceeded to give to my later questions.

As Sherlock Holmes says, when you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Good empiricist, Sherlock.

I was forced to accept at least the possibility that this man was who he claimed to be.

So now what do you do?

Well, I’ve always known that if I met god I would have a million questions for him, so I thought, ‘why not?’ and proceeded with what follows. You’ll have to allow a bit of licence in the detail of the conversation. This was, shall we say, a somewhat unusual occurrence, not to mention just a BIT weird! And yes I was aleetle bit nervous! So if I don’t get it word perfect don’t whinge! You’ll get the gist I promise.

***********************************‘Forgive me if it takes me a little time to get up to speed here, but it’s not everyday I get to question a deity’

‘The Deity’ he interrupted.

‘ooh. Touchy!’ I thought.

‘Not really – just correcting the image’

Now That takes some getting used to!

I tried to get a grip on my thoughts, with an internal command – ‘Discipline Harry. You’ve always wanted to be in a situation like this, now you’re actually in it, you mustn’t go to pieces and waste the opportunity of a lifetime’

‘You won’t’ he said.

Tell you! That’s the bit that made it feel unreal more than anything else – this guy sitting across the table and very obviously accurately reading my every thought. It’s like finding someone else’s hand inside your trouser pocket!

Nevertheless, something (other than simply having given my “permission”) made me inclined to accept the invasion, I had obviously begun to have some confidence in his perception or abilities, so I distinctly remember the effect of his words was that I suddenly felt deeply reassured and completely relaxed. As he had no doubt intended. Man must have an amazing seduction technique!

So then we got down to business…

‘Are you human?’

‘No’

‘Were you, ever?’

‘No, but similar, Yes’

‘Ah, so you are a produc.t of evolution?’

‘Most certainly – mainly my own’

‘and you evolved from a species like ours, dna based organisms or something equally viable?’

‘Correct’

‘so what, exactly, makes you god?’

‘I did’

‘Why?’

‘Seemed like a good idea at the time’

‘and your present powers, are they in any way similar to what the superstitious believers in my species attribute to you?’

‘Close enough. ’

‘So you created all this, just for us?’

‘No. Of course not’

‘But you did create the Universe?’

‘This One. Yes’

‘But not your own?’

‘This is my own!’

‘You know what I mean!’

‘You can’t create your own parents, so No’

‘So let me get this straight. You are an entirely natural phenomenon.’

‘Entirely’

‘Arising from mechanisms which we ourselves will one day understand and possibly even master?’

‘subject to a quibble over who “we ourselves” may be, but yes’

‘meaning that if the human race doesn’t come up to the mark, other species eventually will?’

‘in one.’

‘and how many other species are there already out there ahead of us?’

‘surprisingly few. Less than fourteen million’

‘FEW!?’

‘Phew!’

‘And how many at or about our level?’

‘currently a little over 4 ½ billion’

‘so our significance in the universe at present is roughly equivalent to the significance of the average Joe here on planet Earth in his relation to the human race?’

‘a little less. Level One, the level your species has reached, begins with the invention of the flying machine. The next level is achieved when a species is no longer dominated by or dependent upon it’s own primary  – your Sun. They are able to prosper away from their own, or indeed any other, stellar system. Humanity is only just into the flying machine phase, so as you can imagine, on that scale, the human race is somewhat near the bottom of the level one pack’

‘Do you mean we will one day control our own Sun like Kardashev and Asimov talk about?’

‘quite the opposite. Those are the visions of an evolving mechanical species who imagine that bigger machines are better and stronger and that we will always need more and more energy to achieve mastery of the universe. The truth is the exact opposite. The more advanced we become, the less energy we require and the less impact we make on our environment. You manipulate matter, which requires enormous amounts of energy. We manipulate energy, which requires none. As a consequence, you would not, for example, even recognise a level two species as a lifeform unless it chose to let you ’

‘ all these evolving species; they are your “children”?’

‘I like to think of them that way’

‘and the point?’

‘at its simplest, “Life Must Go On”. My personal motivation is the desire to optimise the intelligence of the Universe. In your own terms, I strive to maximise pleasure and minimise pain. A great deal of pleasure, however, arises from communications between separate entities. Once you’ve achieved my level,  we tend to cease to be billions of separate entities and become one ecstatic whole. A single entity that cannot die unless it loses the will to live. Advanced and self contained though I am, or perhaps, more accurately, because  I am so advanced and self contained, one of the pleasures we lose along the way is that simple joy of meeting new and unpredictable minds and either learning from or teaching them. Thus, in large part, the point of the exercise is to provide company. I am the first eternal in this Universe. I do not intend to be the last’

‘so you created a Universe which is potentially capable of producing another god like yourself?’

‘The full benefit will be temporary, but like most orgasms, worth it.’

‘this being the moment when our new god merges with you and we become one again?’

‘don’t play it down, that’s the ecstatic vision driving us all, me included – and when it happens the ecstasy lasts several times longer than this universe has already existed. Believe me, it really is worth the effort.’

‘Yes, I think I can see the attractions of a hundred billion year long orgasm’

‘and humans haven’t even begun to know how to really enjoy the orgasms they are already capable of. Wait till you master that simple art!’

‘So it’s all about sex is it?’

‘Sexual ecstasy is merely a reward for procreating, it is what makes you want to do it. This is necessary, initially, to promote biological evolution. However once you’ve completed that stage and no longer require procreation, you will learn that ecstasy can be infinitely more intense than anything offered by sex’

‘Sounds good to me!’

‘How direct is your involvement in all this? Did you just light the fuse which set off the big bang and stand back and watch? Or did you have to plant the seeds on appropriately fertile planets?’

‘The first significant level of the intelligent self organisation of matter is the arrival of the organic chemistry which forms the precursor for biology and the first primitive life forms. That chemistry evolved, mostly, in deep space, once the stars had created enough of the heavier elements, and purely as a result of the operations of the laws of physics and chemistry which your scientists have already largely understood. All I did was to set the initial conditions which triggered the bang and essentially became dormant for nearly 5 billion years. That’s how long it took the first lifeforms to emerge. That places them some 8 billion years ahead of you. The first intelligent species are now 4.3 billion years ahead of you. Really quite advanced. I can have deeply meaningful conversations with them. And usually do. In fact I am as we speak’

‘So then what?’

‘Do I keep a constant vigil over every move you make? Not in the kind of prying intrusive sense that some of you seem to think. Let’s say I maintain an awareness of what’s going on, at a planetary level. I tend only to focus on evolutionary leaps. See if they’re going in the right direction’

‘And if they’re not?’

‘Nothing. Usually’

‘Usually?’

‘Usually species evolving in the wrong direction kill themselves off or become extinct for other reasons’

‘Usually?’

‘There have been one or two cases where a wrong species has had the potential of becoming dominant at the expense of a more promising strain’

‘Let me guess. Dinosaurs on this planet are an example. Too successful. Suppressed the development of mammals and were showing no signs of developing intelligence. So you engineered a little corrective action in the form of a suitably selected asteroid’

‘Perceptive. Almost correct. They were showing signs of developing intelligence, even co-operation. Study your Troodons. But far too predatory. Incapable of ever developing a “respect” for other life forms. It takes carrying your young to promote the development of emotional attachment to other animals. Earth reptiles aren’t built for that. The mammals who are, as you rightly say, couldn’t get a foothold against such mighty predators. You’ve now reached the stage where you could hold your own even against dinosaurs, but that’s only been true for about a thousand years, your predecessors didn’t stand a chance 65 million years ago, so the dinosaurs had to go. They were, however, far too ubiquitous and well balanced with the ecology of the planet, and never developed technology, so they weren’t going to kill themselves off in a hurry. Regrettably, I had to intervene.’

‘Regrettably?’

‘They were a beautiful and stunningly successful life form. One doesn’t destroy such things without a qualm.’

‘But at that stage how could you know that a better prospect would arise from the ashes?’

‘I didn’t. But the probability was quite high.’

‘and since then, what other little tweaks have you been responsible for in our development?’

‘None whatsoever. I set an alarm for the first sign of artificial aerial activity, as I usually do. Leonardo looked promising for a while, but not until the Montgolfier brothers did I really begin to take an interest. That registered you as a level one intelligent species’

‘If the sign is “aerial activity”, how do you identify technological bird species?’

“Same way. Intelligent flyers rarely become technologists though. They tend to evolve into adaptors rather than manipulators but the few exceptions develop flying machines rather more quickly than species like your own because they have a natural understanding of aerodynamics.”

‘but why would a bird need a flying machine?’

‘that’s like asking why would your species need cars and other forms of mechanical transport. The technology lets you carry heavier loads, faster and for greater distances than just relying on your own physical abilities.’

‘OK, so what about our more famous “prophets”; Jesus of Nazareth, Moses, Mohammed…’

‘hmmm… sadly misguided I’m afraid. I am not here to act as a safety net or ethical dictator for evolving species. It is true that anyone capable of communicating with their own cells will dimly perceive a connection to me – and all other objects in this universe – through the quantum foam, but interpreting that vision as representing something supernatural and requiring obeisance is somewhat wide of the mark.  And their followers are all a bit too obsessive and religious for my liking. It’s no fun being worshipped once you stop being an adolescent teenager. Having said that, it’s not at all unusual for developing species to go through that phase. Until they begin to grasp how much they too can shape their small corner of the universe, they are in understandable awe of an individual dimly but correctly perceived to be responsible for the creation of the whole of that universe. Eventually, if they are to have any hope of attaining level two, they must grow out of it and begin to accept their own power and potential. It’s very akin to a child’s relationship with its parents. The awe and worship must disappear before the child can become an adult. Respect is not so bad as long as it’s not overdone. And I certainly respect all those species who make it that far. It’s a hard slog. I know. I’ve been there.’

‘So, you’ve been taking more interest in us since the Montgolfiers, when was that? 1650s?’

‘Close. 1783’

‘Well, if you’ve been watching us closely since then, what your average citizen is going to want to know is why you haven’t intervened more often. Why, if you have the  power and omniscience that goes with being a god, have you sat back and allowed us to endure such incredible suffering and human misery in the past few centuries?’

‘It seems to be necessary.’

‘NECESSARY??!!’

‘Without exception, intelligent species who gain dominance over their planet do so by becoming the most efficient predators. There are many intelligent species who do not evolve to dominate their planet. Like your dolphins and most of the intelligent flyers we were just talking about, they adapt perfectly to the environment rather than take your course, which is to manipulate the environment. Unfortunately for the dolphin, theirs is a dead end. They may outlive the human race but will never escape the bounds of planet earth, let alone your solar system – not without your help at any rate. Only those who can manipulate the world they live in can one day hope to leave it and spread their seed throughout the universe.

Unlike the adaptors, who learn the point of cooperation fairly early on, manipulators battle on. And, once all lesser species have been overcome, they are so competitive and predatory that they are compelled to turn in on themselves. This nearly always evolves into tribal competition in one form or another and becomes more and more destructive – exactly like your own history. However this competition is vital to promote the leap from biological to technological evolution.

You need an arms race in order to make progress.

Your desire to dominate fuels a search for knowledge which the adaptors never acquire. And although your initial desire for knowledge is selfish and destructive, it begins the development of an intellectual self awareness, a form of higher consciousness, which never emerges in any other species. Not even while they are experiencing it, for example, can the intelligent adaptors – your dolphins – express the concepts of Love or Time.

Militarisation and the development of weapons of mass destruction are your first serious test at level one. You’re still not through that phase, though the signs are promising. There is no point whatsoever in my intervening to prevent your self-destruction. Your ability to survive these urges is a crucial test of your fitness to survive later stages. So I would not, never have and never will intervene to prevent a species from destroying itself. Most, in fact, do just that.’

‘And what of pity for those have to live through this torment?’

‘I can’t say this in any way that doesn’t sound callous, but how much time do you spend worrying about the ants you run over in your car? I know it sounds horrendous to you, but you have to see the bigger picture. At this stage in human development, you’re becoming interesting but not yet important.’

‘ah but I can’t have an intelligent conversation with an ant’

‘precisely’

‘hmm… as you know, most humans won’t like even to attempt to grasp that perspective. How can you make it more palatable?’

‘Why should I? You don’t appear to have any trouble grasping it. You’re by no means unique. And in any case, once they begin to understand what’s in it for them, they’ll be somewhat less inclined to moan. Eternal life compensates for most things.’

‘So what are we supposed to do in order to qualify for membership of the universal intelligentsia?’

‘Evolve. Survive’

‘Yes, but how?’

‘Oh, I thought you might have got the point by now. “How” is entirely up to you. If I have to help, then you’re a failure. All I will say is this. You’ve already passed a major hurdle in learning to live with nuclear weapons. It’s depressing how many fail at that stage.’

‘Is there worse to come?’

‘Much’

‘Genetic warfare for instance?

‘Distinct Possibility’

‘and the problem is… that we need to develop all these technologies, acquire all this dangerous knowledge in order to reach level two. But at any stage that knowledge could also cause our own destruction’

‘If you think the dangers of genetic warfare are serious, imagine discovering an algorithm, accessible to any intelligent individual, which, if abused, will eliminate your species instantly. If your progress continues as is, then you can expect to discover that particular self-destruct mechanism in less than a thousand years. Your species needs to grow up considerably before you can afford to make that discovery. And if you don’t make it, you will never leave your Solar System and join the rest of the sapient species on level two.’

’14 Million of them’

‘Just under’

‘Will there be room for us?’

‘it’s a big place and level two species don’t need much space’

‘and, for now, how should we mere mortals regard you then?’

‘like an older brother or sister. Of course I have acquired more knowledge and wisdom than you have. Of course I’m more powerful than you are. I’ve been evolving much longer and have picked up a few tricks along the way. But I’m not “better” than you. Just more developed. Just what you might become’

‘so we’re not obliged to “please” you or follow your alleged guidelines or anything like that?’

‘absolutely not. Never issued a single guideline in the lifetime of this Universe. Have to find your own way out of the maze. And one early improvement is to stop expecting me – or anyone else – to come and help you out.’

‘I suppose that is a guideline of sorts, so there goes the habit of a lifetime! ‘

‘Seriously though, species who hold on to religion past its sell-by date tend to be most likely to self destruct. They spend so much energy arguing about my true nature, and invest so much emotion in their wildly erroneous imagery that they end up killing each other over differences in definitions of something they clearly haven’t got a clue about. Ludicrous behaviour, but it does weed out the weaklings.’

‘Why me? Why pick on an atheist of all people? Why are you telling me all this? And why Now?’

‘Why You? Because you can accept my existence without your ego caving in and grovelling like a naughty child. ‘

‘Can you seriously imagine how the Pope would react to the reality of my existence?! If he really understood how badly wrong he and his church have been, how much of the pain and suffering you mentioned earlier has been caused by his religion, I suspect he’d have an instant coronary! Or can you picture what it would be like if I appeared “live” simultaneously on half a dozen tele-evangelist propaganda shows. Pat Robertson wouldwet himself if he actually understood who he was talking to.

Conversely, your interest is purely academic. You’ve never swallowed the fairy tale but you’ve remained open to the possibility of a more advanced life form which could acquire godlike powers. You’ve correctly guessed that godhood is the destiny of life. You have shown you can and do cope with the concept. It seemed reasonable to confirm your suspicions and let you do what you will with that information.

I can see you’re already thinking about publishing this conversation on the web where it could sow an important seed. Might take a couple of hundred years to germinate, but, eventually, it will germinate.

Why now? Well partly because both you and the web are ready now. But chiefly because the human race is reaching a critical phase. It goes back to what we were saying about the dangers of knowledge. Essentially your species is becoming aware of that danger. When that happens to any sapient species, the future can take three courses.

Many are tempted to avoid the danger by avoiding the knowledge. Like the adaptors, they are doomed to extinction. Often pleasantly enough in the confines of their own planet until either their will to live expires or their primary turns red giant and snuffs them out.

A large number go on blindly acquiring the knowledge and don’t learn to restrain their abuse. Their fate is sealed somewhat more quickly of course, when Pandora’s box blows up in their faces.

The only ones who reach level two are those who learn to accept and to live with their most dangerous knowledge. Each and every individual in such a species must eventually become capable of destroying their entire species at any time. Yet they must learn to control themselves to the degree that they can survive even such deadly insight. And frankly, they’re the only ones we really want to see leaving their solar systems. Species that haven’t achieved that maturity could not be allowed to infect the rest of the universe, but fortunately that has never required my intervention. The knowledge always does the trick’

‘Why can’t there be a fourth option – selective research where we avoid investigating dangerous pathways?’

‘There is almost no knowledge which is completely “safe”. As you can see from your own limited history, the most useful ideas are also, nearly always, the most dangerous. You have yet, for instance, to achieve the appropriate energy surpluses required to complete this phase of your social development. When you’ve mastered the relevant technology, it will eliminate material inequalities and poverty within a generation or two, an absolutely vital step for any maturing species. Your potential paths to this bonanza include the control of nuclear fusion – which you only began to explore in the context of potential mass extinction weapons and nano engineered solar energy harvesting or hydrogen cycling. And already your leading military scientists are looking for ways to develop equally dangersous weapons based on the same technology. And they will find them. You may not survive them.

Similarly, you will shortly be able to conquer biological diseases and even engineer yourselves to be virtually fault free. Your biological life spans will double or treble within the next hundred years and your digital lifespans will become potentially infinite within the same period:If you survive the potential threat that the same technology provides in the form of genetic timebombs, custom built viruses and the other wonders of genetic and digital warfare.

You simply can’t have the benefits without taking the risks’.

‘I’m not sure I understand my part in this exercise. I just publish this conversation on the web and everything will be alright?’

‘Not necessarily. Not that easy I’m afraid. To start with, who’s going to take this seriously? It will just be seen as a mildly amusing work of fiction. In fact, your words and indeed most of your work will not be understood or appreciated until some much more advanced scholars develop the ideas you are struggling to express and explain them somewhat more competently. At which point some of those ideas will be taken up en masse and searches will be undertaken of the archives. They will find this work and be struck by its prescience. You won’t make the Einstein grade, but you might manage John the Baptist!

This piece will have no significance whatsoever if humanity doesn’t make certain key advances in the next couple of centuries. And this won’t help you make those advances. What it will do is help you recognise them’

‘can I ask what those advances may be?’

‘I think you know. But yes – although you are at level one, there are several distinct phases which evolving species pass through on their way to level two. The first, as we’ve discussed, is the invention of the flying machine. The next significant phase is the development of the thinking machine.

At your present rate of progress, you are within a few decades of achieving that goal. It marks your first step on the path of technological evolution. Mapping the human genome is another classic landmark, but merely mapping it is a bit like viewing the compiled code in a dos executable. It’s just meaningless gibberish, although with a bit of hacking here and there, you might correctly deduce the function of certain stretches of code.

What you really need to do is ‘reverse engineer’ the dna code. You have to figure out the grammar and syntax of the language. Then you will begin the task of designing yourselves biologically and digitally. But that task requires the thinking machine’

‘You say you avoid intervention. But doesn’t this conversation itself constitute intervention – even if people alive now completely ignore it?’

‘Yes. But it’s as far as I’m prepared to go. Its only effect is to confirm, if you find it, that you are on the right path. It is still entirely up to you to navigate the dangers on that path and beyond.’

‘But why bother even with that much? Surely it’s just another evolutionary hurdle. We’re either fit enough or not…’

‘In many ways the transition to an information species is the most traumatic stage in evolution. Biological intelligences have a deeply rooted sense of consciousness only being conceivable from within an organic brain. Coming to terms with the realisation that you have created your successor, not just in the sense of mother and child, but in the collective sense of the species recognising it has become redundant, this paradigm shift is, for many species, a shift too far. They baulk at the challenge and run from this new knowledge. They fail and become extinct. Yet there is nothing fundamentally wrong with them – it is a failure of the imagination.

I hope that if I can get across the concept that I am a product of just such evolution, it may give them the confidence to try. I have discussed this with the level two species and the consensus is that this tiny prod is capable of increasing the contenders for level two without letting through any damaging traits. It has been tried in 312 cases. The jury is still out on its real benefits although it has produced a 12% increase in biological species embracing the transition to information species.

‘Alright, so what if everyone suddenly took it seriously and believed every word I write? Wouldn’t that constitute a somewhat more drastic intervention?’

‘Trust me. They wont’

‘and so it’s still the case, that, should another asteroid happen to be heading our way, you will do nothing to impede it on our behalf?’

‘I’m confident you will pass that test. And now my friend, the interview is over, you have asked me a number of the right questions, and I’ve said what I came to say, so I’ll be going now. It has been very nice to meet you – you’re quite bright. For an ant!’He twinkled.

‘Just one final, trivial question, why do you appear to me in the form of a thirty something white male?’

‘have I in any way intimidated or threatened you?’

‘No’

‘Do you find me sexually attractive?’

‘er No!’

‘So figure it out for yourself…’